I have recently discovered that I have a split personality. I've had this for a while but have only realized this just recently. This is not a real medical diagnosis, it is a personal diagnosis. The split personalities are called Drunk Alex, and Sober Alex.
The reason I don't consider this to be a problem, is that I, Sober Alex, am in complete control of when Drunk Alex comes out. I am, however, not in control of what Drunk Alex does. Drunk Alex and Sober Alex have a lot in common, but they are two different people. Drunk Alex says and does things that I would never do. I wish my friends were better at writing down the things Drunk Alex says, because they are hilarious. I have two recent quotes from Drunk Alex that I'm sure will convey something about him.
"No! I'm just really intrigued because I LOVE talking about milk!"
(Someone offers him gum) "No I don't want any. I don't like all the juices!"
I am not ashamed to say that I am a potty mouth; I curse all the time. However, Drunk Alex is about ten times worse than I am. I am also a very open person. Anyone, not just my friends, can ask me any question, and I will answer it honestly. Now this means people have to ask me a question before I say something ridiculously honest. Drunk Alex doesn't need anyone to ask him anything, he will say the most honest, ridiculous, and vulgar things without warning. From what I know, people usually respond to this by either laughing, or shaking their head while secretly wanting to laugh.
Now let's talk about the things Drunk Alex does. He is a klutz, often spilling drinks and running into things or people. He thinks he's a coordinated individual, that can do things like leap fences, run really fast, and sometimes it’s as simple as walking straight. I'm a hugger, but with people I am comfortable with like friends and family. Drunk Alex will hug anyone and everyone. Now there are things Drunk Alex has done, that I simply cannot share. Even though he is another personality, he is still me; which means I am ashamed of some of the things he's done.
Drunk Alex possesses the same knowledge as me, it’s just that sometimes he can't recall information as quickly. But the fact that we share the same knowledge can be a bad thing. I've already stated that Drunk Alex is an open person, well sometimes he's too open. This is why I don't like that he knows everything I do, because he will most likely blurt out secrets, or other things he shouldn't be saying. I wish I had a way of communicating with Drunk Alex. Tell him not to do or say something. I supposed I can try to leave a note in his pocket that he might read, but he's so damn forgetful I could see him reading the note and immediately forgetting what it said. I could try to tell friends to keep him in check, but they will most likely be drunk too. There really is only one solution to prevent Drunk Alex from say things he shouldn't: don't let Drunk Alex come out. I cannot do this because people are expecting to see him. Plus, Sober Alex is annoyed with drunk people while Drunk Alex is not.
I don't dislike Drunk Alex, he just gets me into trouble sometimes. From what I hear, he's a pretty fun guy so he can't be all that bad. I am going out with friends for my friend Sarah's going away/birthday party (happy birthday Sarah!), so Drunk Alex will be in full effect tonight. I will end with showing you all some pictures of Drunk Alex so that if you see him, you'll know who you're dealing with.
I don't know how I'm going to get him to do it, but I fully intend on getting Drunk Alex to write about himself/me or both.
